"Hey man! Let's hang out later tonight. We'll get all the fellas together and do something fun. It's been a while."
"Okay. Sounds good! I'll call some of the guys".
What you've just read is a typical beginning to a "guys get to hang together" evening, weekend, or trip.
In a world of instant electronic communication and declining masculinity these occurrences are becoming more and more rare. Why then, do we turn something that could look like this:
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| (Okay, subtract cigs. Add cigars.) |
Into something that looks like this?
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| (Yes. Texting too much makes you dress like a total ass.) |
I can't speak for every man on the planet, but I am friends with the guys I am friends with because I enjoy their company. When it comes down to spending time together, especially time we've set aside for that specific purpose, I am looking to absorb and engage in as much personal interaction as possible in that given span of time.
Enter cell phone.
No longer is it just you and your buds. It's now you, your buds, and their wife, gf, or girl they are trying to turn into their gf... or even other buds. Every few minutes they are glancing down at that tiny screen and then tapping back a reply to whatever urgent message that just couldn't wait.
You may be thinking that a few texts (would you like to define few) during social interaction is fine and I'm blowing things out of proportion. Well sir or madam, I'm here on my big stinky horse to tell you that you are dead wrong.
Imagine, if you will, that instead of texts, the person or people you are trying to hang out with are receiving multiple very quick phone calls during your time with them. You keep talking at their behest if it's you that are the one carrying the conversation at the moment, but they stare at you as if they are listening all the while holding the phone to their ear while listening and responding to that conversation.
Would you find that rude? Would you become aggravated?
The answer, oh lovers of truth, is that OF COURSE you would. Nobody with any sort of self worth would put up with that sort of behavior. So why do we let our friends?
More importantly, why do we do it to our friends?
Do we not value the time we have with our friends enough to simply turn our phones on silent or off? Can we just not take the thought of not being in constant contact with our wives or gfs for a few hours that we can't tell them "Hey, I'm with the guys. I'll talk to you later." ?
WOULD THAT CAUSE THE WORLD TO EXPLODE?
Part of being a man is respecting others but also commanding respect for yourself. That means respect your friends and their time, but also demand that others respect yours.
DISCLAIMER: If you are the type of man that must literally ask your significant other for "permission" to hang out with your friends then this entire post is not for you. If the words "I'm not allowed" have ever come out of your mouth (or been typed by your fingers) then please stop reading my blog right now because you probably aren't supposed to be reading it anyway and are in danger of being beaten up by the masculine woman in your life.
If you are the type of man that has self respect and respect for others then you should see that reflected in how you treat those around you and how you are treated. Tell your wife or gf that you are going to be enjoying some time with friends and that you'll talk to them later. If they begin to text you (and no, there is no such thing as an important text. That's what phone calls are for.) then simply ignore the text or reply with something like "Hanging with the guys, remember? I'll ttyl."
A question that is raised when discussing situations like this with some of the guys is "Why do our/their wives, gfs decide that "guy time" is an appropriate time to start texting us/them?" There are a few reasons that are most likely for this, but a recent conversation with an unofficial professor and student of male interactions had the following to say about why guys may let this texting absurdity happen or why their women may initiate it:
"My observation is they have insecurities from past relationships and whatever positive feeling they have they want to make sure they preserve it even when a new variable is added."
That "variable" being them hanging out with a friend or friends.
"They text and call everyday. It gives them a positive feeling. A new variable is added where the bf is hanging with a friend. The GF is challenged and wants to text and call to see that the bf will still give attention even with his attention diverted."
Interesting no? Obviously the above isn't the case all the time... but it certainly is some of the time.
Allowing someone to demand your attention in this way shows they don't respect you, your time, or your friends or their time. Also, by giving in you lower your own value in their eyes. They can demand your attention whenever they want it and they know you will deliver.
How much more interesting and valuable will you be to a woman if you demonstrate that you demand she respect you and your time and your friends? If she's smart she'll pick up on the fact that you will demand that your time with her also be as interruption free as possible. It's really a win/win.
So, what can we, the men that do not perpetuate this texting social breakdown, do about it? It's simple really. In the same way I've suggested that those who are breaking social code and constantly getting texts demand that those who are sending them respect their time and wishes, do the same with those allowing their phones to command their attention.
"Hey man, I'm here to hang out with you, not you, your wife, and your phone. If this isn't a good time, we can do this some other night."
Does that seem rude? Because it's not. Would you put up with a girl you are on a date with constantly texting on her phone? If you are a weak, disrespected male you might.
Make a pact with your buddies. Emergency phone calls only. Anyone caught texting buys the next round, pays for dinner, movie tickets, gets his phone tossed into a toilet. Anything to break the cycle of personal, meaningful interaction being broken by a small hand held computer.
In the words of a buddy of mine, JDogg, "If you're going to commit to hanging out with someone or a group, hang out with them. Don't just "be there".
That highlights my final point. Don't miss the next adventure, crazy story, embarrassing thing your best friend just did because you were staring down at words on a screen that said something like "Yeah. I'm watching Blacklist and the dog just pooped outside. lolz!!"
Be a man. Demand your time be respected and watch not only your value in your own eyes skyrocket, but those around you gain a new appreciation for you as a male that places worth in himself.
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